No Meat Week: Day 1

It was 11 p.m. on a Sunday night and my refrigerator was lusty, alluring and full of meat. I wanted to violate him, to plunge down into his cavernous shelves and, frankly, to do things to his insides that have never been done before. I wanted to pop my refrigerator's cherry.

With the slightest glimmer of consent, I thrust my hands inside and grabbed the leftover Mexican chorizo log, the 50-percent-off deli ham and the box of crunchy pork roast from Oakland Chinatown. And one by one, I threw them all away.

And how did I feel afterwards, standing in the lonely glow of his fluorescent light bulb? I felt shame, unadulterated shame.

I'm not really sure if the decision to take on Oakland Veg Week was even about meat in the first place, or rather a misguided attempt to test my willpower. After a Saturday jog around the lake, I strutted past their information table and knew without even stopping that I'd take the pledge. As if it was my last lap or something.

But like most meat enthusiasts - especially those without the pocketbooks to shop at Whole Foods - I nurse a complex about being omnivorous. My conscience beats when I bite, so I compensate by making rules that justify my actions. My number one rule about eating meat: Never waste it.

I don't want to dwell on it because the discussion's already been hashed, but there's something presumptuous about vegetarianism in America. We shun meat out of privilege, because we have the resources and the social/educational network that allows us to do so. In China, they eat meat only like once a week, and they eat the whole damn animal because they need to make the most of it. Is this practice desirable or reprehensible? Should they be eating more seitan instead? Should we be eating rooster comb?

I know I can't send my crispy pork to China, but as a Jew and someone who really fucking loves crispy pork roast with the crackling skin that pops on your tongue, it still hurts to throw it away. Hopefully though, that will be the last time this week. From Monday to Sunday (I started a day late because my friend invited us to dinner at his house), Housten and I will refrain from any and all contact with Porky Pig. Yeah, Housten said he'd do this thing with me. And I can't call him "Mansten" anymore because he doesn't like it.

Well, the first night didn't go so hot because RaeLynne and I royally fucked up the dumplings we were making in substitute of animal flesh. We didn't plan too well and used whole wheat flour instead of regular flour, turning our dough balls into glutinous tumors of margarine and misery. On the exterior, mush runs rampant, and in the center lies a single jewel of uncooked wheat flour, where flavor goes to die. But on the upside, the kale with cranberries and almonds was tasty.

For the rest of the week, I'm going to try my best not to simply vegetarianize the meat, potatoes, and vegetables dynamic. I want to create food that transcends the limitations of the American plate, draws from the wisdom of other cultures, and fulfills us at the same time. So no Morningstar, and no macro meals whatever the hell that is.

I wrote down some ideas, but we'll see if I stick to them. Who knows, by the time I reach the last curve of the last lap, I may stumble and feel out of breath just ready for a hamburger or something. But maybe, who knows, I may pass the finish line and just keep on runnin...


Tentative list:

-Leeks vinaigrette with egg noodles (France)

-vegetarian lasagne, with some mushrooms and shit! (Italy)

-bean and sour cream enchiladas. Housten wants to make this one. (Mexico/Tucson/Safford/Justyn's house)

-Ratatouille (France)

-Fried tofu with Chinese cabbage from one of my cookbooks (Japan)

-some kind of Asian noodles like jap jae, chow fun, lo mein, etc. (Asia)

-Thomas Keller's grits cakes, although this looks really fucking hard. (California) And maybe some collard greens on the side. (Georgia?)

-Vegetarian tapas, like garlic mushrooms in olive oil and patatas bravas? I don't know. (Spain)

-I don't know, some Indian food? (India)


What do you think???